Body Language in Coaching - How Good Are Your Communication Skills? Part II
Part II
Guidelines to ‘Reading’ Body Language:
Women tend to be more perceptive than men in this aspect.
Each movement or gesture is a valuable key to specific emotion the person may be feeling or is displaying. Remember that body language is more honest than spoken words!
The key to reading someone’s body language is the understanding of the person’s emotional condition while listening to what they are saying, and the circumstances they are in while saying it (i.e., understand the emotional condition and/or context)
Think of specific coaching situations where this can be valuable!
Rules for Accurate Interpretation:
Read Gestures in Clusters!
Recognizing a whole cluster is far more reliable than an isolated gesture.
Look for Congruence!
Non-verbal signals have 5 times more impact than verbal ones. When the two do not match, people tend to rely on the non-verbal and disregard the verbal.
Read Gestures in Context!
Interpret gestures based on the circumstance, environment, or climate (tightly crossed arms)!
Awareness of Potential Communication Barriers:
It is crucial to be aware of potential social communication barriers:
Gender, age, status, and cultural norms influence BL.
Different cultures use and express BL language in different ways.
Autistic athletes use different BL.
Athlete’s perception is different from the coach’s.
Athlete may not be willing to work through the process.
Athlete may lack the knowledge needed to understand fully the discussion.
Athlete may be too emotional to grasp the communication.
Athlete may lack the motivation to listen.
Coach may have difficulty to express him/herself clearly.
Emotions of both parties may interfere with the communication process.
Using ‘Open’ Body Language:
There are several key behaviors, which enhance the so-called open body language, interpreted as an action that the other person is not ‘crossing,’ covering up, or hiding something.
Display of Positive Body Language:
Be like the ‘solar system’ – ‘stand out!’
Remove any existing barriers with an easy smile and portray a feeling of being comfortable!
The other person is attracted more easily because the behavior denotes warmth, acceptance, and friendliness.
‘Feel grounded!’ This builds up your posture.
Be aware of your posture (head, shoulders, back, abdominals, and buttock muscles, i.e., shifting around)!
If standing – stand upright; sit tall with tall and good posture; maintain eye contact at all times, keep palms open and legs uncrossed, and turn the body toward the other party!
Posture and emotions need to be congruent.
The voice is calm, firm, and in a measured tone, which denotes authority and confidence.
Look confident and exude a sense of self-esteem!
Seek an opportunity to create a field of force and energy and be ‘present’ with the other person!
Make it an environment of attraction rather than resentment!
Active Listening Skills:
The ability to listen is one of the most important communication skills and it is a fundamental leadership skill. It is vital because it makes the coach more effective and productive, creates the opportunity to build rapport and show support. It produces a better teaching/coaching environment, facilitates the process when trying to resolve problems, helps to answer questions, and assists in finding underlying meanings in what others have to say. The ability to listen is a learned skill. It is NOT easy! As someone said in jest…“We were given two ears but only one mouth. This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.”
Listening Effectively:
We can divide listening skills into several stages:
Hear the words.
Focus on the message.
Understand and interpret the message.
Analyze and evaluate the message.
Respond to the message.
Remember the message.
Five Levels of Listening:
“Seek first to understand before being understood (Covey, 1998, p. 124). This emphasizes the importance of listening at a level that goes beyond “just hearing words.”
There are five levels of listening, according to Covey.
Ignoring
Not trying to listen!
Pretending
Listening even though you are NOT!
Listening Selectively
To only what interests you!
Attentive Listening***
Use this level most of the time.
Involves listening to understand the speaker… And … comparing what they say with your point of view.
Guidelines to “Attentive” Listening
Maintain eye contact.
Can look into the eyes or focus on the face.
Can look away because constant eye contact may distract the speaker.
Use body language that shows interest.
Lean toward the speaker.
Nod or shake the head to show you are listening.
Hand or arm on the shoulder can signal reassurance or understanding (careful as this could be misconstrued)
Affirm you are listening.
Acknowledge that you are listening with responses such as: mm, uh-uh, oh my, okay, and I see.
Listen to the full thought – avoid interrupting.
Restate the speaker’s words.
Ask questions to clarify or learn more.
Listening with Empathy:
Listening with empathy involves “both the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words, intent, and feelings” (Covey, 2007).
Restating what the speaker says their words show you heard them.
To begin to understand the underlying meaning of the words – rephrase what the speaker is saying in your own words.
To get the real message in the conversation, reflect the feelings you are hearing in your own words.
Until you address those feelings, you won’t understand what is being communicated.
Guidelines to Listening with Empathy:
Check your defensive reactions.
If a topic is emotional for the speaker you may react strongly.
Instead of listening, you want to respond or defend.
If you don’t check this reaction, you most likely ‘shut down’ any further real communication.
If you feel yourself ‘getting defensive” – try to stay ‘curious’ – ask questions, or make a Non-judgmental comment…like ‘hmm.’
Many kinds of distractions interfere with our ability to hear, listen to, and understand athletes or others. Some distractions are easier identified as so-called barriers:
Environmental:
Noise - others talking nearby – public address system – announcements – music –traffic – iPods
Too hot-cold – too windy
Weather conditions
Being hungry – tired – headache – upset stomach – getting chilled – other ailments – sweaty clothing (athletes) – wet clothing (swimmers)
Chairs are uncomfortable as are bleachers (!) – desk or table between parties involved
If one has a physical advantage such as height
Height is artificially created by the setting of chairs, bleachers, viewing area
Physiological:
Our ability to think is 5x faster than we speak.
Creating a natural lapse where we fill in the time with our thoughts instead of staying focused on the speaker.
‘Jumping ahead’ with our thoughts.
Colds and ear infections may interfere.
Speech problems may interfere (some stutter when nervous).
Pronunciation, accent, errors, or misuse of words may interfere.
Psychological barriers are more difficult to identify:
If someone criticizes you, you may fixate on that and hear very little else or hear it through the ‘filter’ of being criticized (selective hearing).
Athletes (others) may shut down attempts to communicate with you if your verbal and non-verbal indicates you are not interested.
Body language indicates that you rather be somewhere else.
Body language indicates you think your ideas have more merit.
We all have ‘hot button’ words that may trigger our reactions.
We get ‘lost in the emotions to respond to those words.
We can compound the barrier with the assumptions we make about the people who use those words.
If you are not sure of the reason you are listening - you will be poorly motivated to do so!
Guidelines to Effective Listening:
STOP! Whatever you are doing!
LOOK! Make eye contact and face the other party squarely!
LISTEN! Listen carefully to words and emotions combined!
USE non-verbal cues like nodding to show compassion, sympathy or understanding!
PATIENCE! Always allow the other party to finish, especially when emotions are involved!
RESPOND! Re-state or rephrase to ensure both parties understand clearly!
QUESTION! Ask questions for more information or clarity!
Sabotaging the Intention to Understand:
If you want to understand the other person, you need to keep your focus on them.
If you turn the focus on yourself by interjecting and/or trying to fit what they are saying into your perspective, it becomes difficult to truly understand what is being said.
Judging the other person.
Deciding whether the other’s viewpoint is right or wrong.
Explaining to the other person what you think underlies their ideas or opinions.
Turning the conversation around to your viewpoint.
Giving advice (unless specifically asked).
Coaches should become familiar with the rules for accurate interpretation and increase their understanding of potential communication barriers. It is critical for the coach-athlete interaction to develop special awareness, sensitivity, and techniques to read body language effectively [females are found to be more perceptive, according to research]. This includes body gestures, unintentional signs, body posturing and poses, physical and emotional indicators, eye signals, body language and space (proximity), etc. Foremost, coaches should become skilled at presenting themselves with ‘open’ and positive body language and improve listening skills. Repeated video observation is one tool to identify respective personal communication skills and/or behavior, followed by practicing effective body language during daily interaction. Ultimately, the way we communicate plays a large role when making a good impression. Upright posture, eye, contact, handshake, the way we dress, and the ability to read the body language of others is significant for personal interaction and successful human relationships.
Practicing Effective Body Language and Awareness:
Consider the respective sport culture, cultural/ethnic, and gender differences!
Consider any language barrier and English as a second language!
Match voice and pace!
Match body language [mirror] with the other party!
Write down key points for better communication!
Become aware of personal tendencies under stress!
Use videotaping to analyze personal gesture habits and communication skills!
Attempt to coach a portion of the daily training without using words (!).
The Coach should:
Realize that body language is more honest than spoken words!
Become sensitive to the signals being transmitted by athletes at all times!
Pay special attention to reading athletes’ emotional signals in competition!
Learn to identify the differential signals by athletes under stress, nervousness, and confidence!
Communication is Most Successful WHEN…
Both sender and receiver understand the same message!
It is a 2-Way Communication Process and Coaches
Listen to the ‘pulse’ of athletes and watch for non-verbal cues.
Ask a lot of questions to engage the athlete{s}.
Avoid the “WHY” question format (Why did you do this? … Why do you think or feel that way?) This type of questioning puts the other party on the defensive! The communication becomes reactionary or negative.
Instead say … you did this, say this, believe this, and feel that way because…? The process becomes one of ‘thinking’ than an emotional and defensive response.
Realize that 50% of coaching is ‘listening.
Practice to improve listening skills!
Possess and demonstrate ‘great’ listening skills!
Practice effective BL during training.
Videotape their BL to improve the process.
References:
Coaching Association of Canada (2008). Canadian National Coaching Certification Program (NCCP). Coaching and leading effectively. Version 1.3. Reference material (pp.14-17). Ottawa, ON, CAN: Coaching Association of Canada.
Covey, S. R. (1998). The 7 habits of highly effective people training manual. Version 2.0. Salt Lake City, UT: Franklin Covey.
Covey, S. R. (2005). The 7 habits of highly effective people. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Kouzes, J. M., & Posner, B. Z. (2007). The leadership challenge (4th ed.). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Imprint of John Wiley & Sons.
McCarthy, S. (2013) Body Language. Retrieved August 17, 2021, from https://www.wikiwand. com/simple/Body_language
Mehrabian's, A. (2020). Mehrabian's communication theory: Verbal, non-verbal, body language. Retrieved august 17, 2021, from https://www.businessballs.com/communication-skills/ mehrabians-communication-theory-verbal-non-verbal-body-language. Updated September 3, 2020