Overcoming Rejection in Sport
I came across the article by Deborah Gilboa, MD, in TrueSport. I found it to be very pertinent at this time of the year as sports have restarted after the Pandemic, and various situations may occur on sport teams and in individual sports.
The following has been modified by Coach Schloder.
Rejection happens in everyday life as a very common event whether in business getting a promotion, in school, in sports not making the team or getting a starting position. It hurts the ‘Ego’ leading to an emotional low, especially when one is already doing the best possible. Rejection can make athletes question their identity, even their love for their sport, and foremost doubt their personal abilities. But they can overcome the obstacle if able to harness the power of perseverance in a positive way, and survive with a new and improved focus.
Everyone faces Rejection at times
Even athletes at the highest level have faced rejection over the course of their lives. However, it is the way they handled the aftermath that made them great, says Dr. Gilboa (2022). Thus, athletes should consider rejection as a great starting point for the rest of their athletic career, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment.
Self-Empathy is Important
When dealing with a rejection, it is alright to feel sad, mad, or just generally bad. You are allowed to have those feelings, according to Gilboa. Having empathy for yourself means that you are able to understand your feelings and be okay with them. “The best way to handle rejection in sports is to have empathy for yourself. Avoid pretending you're not experiencing the loss, distrust, and discomfort that rejection causes. Other people in your life may try to negate your feelings or tell you to get over it, but you are allowed to be unhappy about the situation”, states Dr. Gilboa.
Not Giving Up on Yourself
Dealing with rejection is about resilience, the ability to navigate change and come through with intention and purpose. It takes persistence, but maybe not in the way you were taught as a child. We often hear “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” That’s great advice, says Dr. Gilboa, but only to a certain point. We’re not saying that if one is told numerous times that the required hand-eye coordination as a tennis player is lacking, one should keep on trying and face continuous rejection. What really matters is that you do not give up on one-self. You could be successful in another sport by shifting the focus to a different role, level of competition or play.
Dr. Schloder’s Commentary:
We often hear the saying: “show some grits!” What is the difference between Grits and Resilience? Many people have heard about grit and resilience but don’t know how they can apply them in their lives. I believe that these traits are fundamental to success in life:
1) They increase your ability to deal with setbacks.
2) They help you become more independent.
So if we want to be successful in life, we need to work on both things.
Definition:
Grit – the desire and perseverance to achieve long-term goals
Resilience, courage, conscientiousness, and perseverance ara qualities associated with grit
Resilience – the ability to quickly recover from or respond to adversity or change
Optimism, perseverance, and self-control are all qualities associated with self-control
Resilience and grit are two qualities that help athletes to overcome adversity and thrive despite challenges. Resilient individuals can bounce back from setbacks, while gritty individuals persevere through difficult situations.
How to Know if Someone has Grit or Not?
There are many different ways to measure grit. Three ways to determine if you have grit:
1) How good are you at dealing with adversity?
2) How good are you when faced with failure?
3) How strong are you after facing hardship?
How Do You Develop Grit and Resilience
A lot of people are afraid of failure. They don’t want to fail because they fear being embarrassed. But if you’re going to be successful in life, you have to learn how to deal with failure. And it resembles sports! You can’t expect to win without having to face defeat first. So, face your adversity and learn ways to deal with it!
Grit isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a skill. It takes time to develop, but you’ll find that you can use it to achieve success once you do.
You can develop Resilience and Grit by focusing on the following areas:
Identifying vulnerabilities
Understanding the effects of stress
Knowing how to deal with stress
Practicing coping skills
Develop a positive mindset
Build your social network
Maintain your physical health
Achieve Balance
Not Defining Yourself by Rejection or by Sport Itself
Young athletes, especially in the middle school years, often take a black-and-white viewpoint of a given situation. However, not making the team or squad does not mean you are not an athlete. It is an absolutely normal reaction, says Dr. Gilboa, but it’s also a dangerous one. Not only can it keep you from finding another sport or team that is better suited, but it can cause a change in the way they view yourself. It is important to remember that whether or not making the team, you can still have the love for the sport itself.
Gathering Information
It is crucial to calm down to have time to process personal feelings and gather objective information. This doesn’t mean asking for a meeting with the coach, for example, but rather doing some journal writing and thinking because it is time to question feelings and thoughts. “…critical thinking about yourself and determining the impact of the rejection on your beliefs: Are you now convinced you’re not athletic? Are you feeling shame or embarrassment?” Once thought about it, then it is important to question each feeling. Should you really feel bad that you didn’t make the track team even if you are a capable runner? Might playing volleyball make you happier? Reflect and then decide on developing a new plan!
Defining Personal Meaning of Success
Maybe you may have assumed until now that making the team means success. Since that dream did not come true, that conclusion is no longer valid. What is your new version of success going to be? You have to think about the reason for wanting to be on that team in the first place: Was it about being a Pro-volleyball player in the future, because friends were on the team, or because it would look good on college applications? It is vital to figure out what that new success could or should look like. If realizing that part of your happiness is derived from being part of the team, you could consider talking to the coach to see what you can work on for next season. If you realize you just love playing volleyball, maybe the choice is to play on a recreational team in your area in the interim. If entry to college is the concern, contact the coach and obtain pertinent information about team try-outs, requirements, criteria, and the chance of being a Walk-on athlete. If it’s about spending time with friends, make plans to meet on weekends when they don’t have competitions or games.
Discover Examples of Resilience
If you’re still struggling to come to terms with rejection, it can help to think back to past examples of rejections you’ve dealt with and come back from. Review the previous suggestions, start to reflect, and begin to act and implement. Develop several strategies. Maybe you didn’t make a team a few years ago, or you didn’t get selected for the school choir. How did you handle those times? What was difficult about that situation? What made you keep going? How did you do it? Can you use any of those tactics now? Dr, Gilboa says that even a past social experience, like getting rejected by a friend, can be examples of working through tough situations.
Patience and Time Is Needed
This won’t all happen overnight, and you need to give yourself processing time, according to Dr. Gilboa. “Don’t make life-altering decisions in the midst of rejection. “You can write down all your opinions, you can take a video of yourself explaining those choices, but don’t make any big decisions until you’ve had a few weeks to calm down and think clearly” (Dr. Gilboa, 2022). No matter what age you are, the temptation to make rash, bold decisions in the face of rejection is strong (there’s a reason that it’s a major plot point in many movies!), but in real life, it rarely works out well. Wait a few days or weeks until your emotions calm down, and you may realize your list of new plans doesn’t really feel aligned with your actual goals.
Become Solution-oriented
Once you do feel like you’re ready to make a decision, start the process of setting goals. Properly directed perseverance is about focusing on matters you have control over. “What direction can you persevere in?” You didn’t make the team, so you can’t persevere through team practice, but you can work on skills in your backyard, or turn your attention to another similar sport. “There are three things you can always control: your attitude, your behavior, and your goal,” says Dr. Gilboa. “Nobody can take those away from you.”
Summary
Don’t let rejection stop you from pursuing your athletic goals. Let yourself feel sad or angry about the rejection – then focus on what your new version of success can look like and make a plan that allows you to keep striving to improve in a way that’s meaningful for you.
Reference:
Gilboa, D. (2022, November 1). For Athletes: 9 Ways to Overcome Rejection in Sport.
Posted in TrueSport. Retrieved December 26, 2022, from https://truesport.org/perseverance/9-ways-overcome-rejection sport/?utm_source=TrueSport+ eNewsletter &utm_campaign=547887199d-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2019_ 01_ 09_10_13_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_978107bdf8-5478 87199d-157999574
Schloder, M.E. (2019). Basic Mental skills. Lecture Notes. Calgaryy, Alberta, Canada: coachingbest.com
Think Positive (n.d.) Retrieved December 26, 2022, from https://thinkpositive check.com/resilience-and-grit-whats-the-difference/
Think Positive (n.d.) Retrieved December 26, 2022, from https://thinkpositive check.com/8-examples-of-personal-resilience/
Wishing you the Best and Good Health in 2023!